Rude Things People Have Said to Me About My Pregnancy This Week

Being pregnant is like walking through life with a big sign that pleads, "I'm pregnant, exhausted, and three people have commented on my weight today alone. Clearly I need someone else to be mean to me if I'm going to develop postpartum depression in time for the baby's arrival."

A lot of people have asked me why I think people are so mean to pregnant women. Many of them seem to doubt my stories. This doesn't surprise me, given that women's stories about other forms of oppression are so frequently doubted, too. But if you want to read my thoughts on why people feel the need to be cruel to pregnant women, click here.

So let's take a look at some of the horrible things people have said to me just this week.

Pregnancy, Breasts, and the Special Tragedy of Being a Large-Breasted Pregnant Woman

My friend Lindsay likes to remind me not to get too upset about the myriad horrifying bodily changes that occur during pregnancy. After all, I'll lose whatever dignity I have left when I finally expel this baby.

Too late. That total loss of dignity might already have come. Last night I began unapologetically brushing my nipples with a hairbrush. As it turns out, itchy nipples and breasts are among the most common pregnancy side effects, particularly for large-breasted women. And one of the things you quickly learn if you suffer from this symptom is that nipples are remarkably hard to scratch. Thus the brush.

My 32DD breasts have grown out of control during this pregnancy, resulting in a G-cup that shows no signs of ceasing its expansion. I have nightmares about being eaten by my breasts. I worry I might literally tip over at some point. I monitor them for signs of growth. I plead with them.

5 Simple Rules for Interacting With Pregnant Women (Or, Pregnant Women Are People, Too)

People, especially men, really do not like it when you tell them what they can and cannot say to pregnant women. Something about pregnancy stokes a collective sense of ownership that pregnant women learn to expect--and dread.

On social media, reactions to my blog fall into two distinct categories. Women who are pregnant or who have been pregnant loudly cheer just about everything I say. People who have never been pregnant react with fear and frustration. "But what CAN I talk to pregnant women about?" "Now I'm terrified to touch a pregnant woman!" "Why are pregnant women so demanding?" 

They keep missing the point, which is that pregnant women are people, too. The rules for how to treat them are exactly the same as those for interacting with any other human. The problem is not that pregnant women require special rules. The problem is that people must be reminded of these rules at all. 

Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman: 30 Ways to Make a Pregnant Woman Hate You

This week, three different people have forced me into conversations about my breasts. Despite my attempts to steer the conversation elsewhere, I've repeatedly found myself fielding others' inaccurate, offensive, and intrusive comments about my body. This is par for the course when you're pregnant. You might think that telling a woman her breasts are enormous is a great compliment; but if she's struggled with back pain and unwanted attention because of those breasts, you're just drawing attention to a source of misery--not to mention commenting on a private area of her anatomy.

The same is true of so many other comments people direct to pregnant women. I've had a handful of comments that were clearly designed to be hurtful, or even threatening. In most cases, it's simple ignorance with a side of narcissism. So if you can't resist talking to pregnant women about their pregnancies but don't want to destroy relationships or hurt feelings, here are the comments pregnant women are sick of hearing.

How to Respond When People Ask if You're Pregnant (Whether You're Pregnant or Not)

One of the many ways our culture reminds women that their bodies are public property is by openly--and often repeatedly--asking them if they are pregnant. Asking a woman if she's pregnant is always a recipe for disaster. Most well-mannered people learn never to do it. Not all people are well-mannered, of course, and I've come up with a foolproof response to these questions whether you're pregnant or not.

Pregnancy and Fatphobia: 5 Reasons It's Sexist to Comment on Pregnant Women's Weight

"I feel bad for you, with all the weight you're going to have to lose when the baby comes."-- Close friend

As early as we can talk, most of us learn that it's never acceptable to comment on someone else's weight. Yet something about pregnancy sends common sense, decency, and basic etiquette packing. Suddenly women's bodies are subjects for public consumption and discussion. This tradition is the product of sexism, sizeism, fatphobia, and a bunch of other ugly societal norms that harm women.

Stop Telling Pregnant Women They Look Good 'For a Pregnant Woman'

If pregnant women were really driven by their hormones to act on every emotional impulse they have, several of my acquaintances might already be dead. Yesterday, an acquaintance told me that I look really good "for being pregnant." I did not respond. I paused. I took a deep breath. I went to my happy place (which was, incidentally, a place where I could go full-scale Incredible Hulk and smash him with a chair). I remained calm.

He was undaunted. "Aww...I'm making you blush!" I scoffed, contemplated murder, and smiled. Pregnant women, you see, are expected to welcome public comments and backhanded compliments on their appearance. Otherwise they're bitches and cunts; I know, because the few times I've responded with snark, I've been threatened with violence or called a sexist name.