FAQ

This section might better be titled Frequently Offered Judgments, since most comments on this blog come in the form of judgments of me as a parent. But people do better when they know better, so a few quick answers to the most oft-cited complaints and questions I get.

Why do you talk about racism and other things that are irrelevant to motherhood?
Because they're not irrelevant to motherhood. I'm trying to raise a decent human being here. And my experiences in the world affect my work as a parent.

I don't understand why you complain so much about pregnancy. It was so easy for me! 
Some women have easy pregnancies. Most don't. And unless you have experienced the pregnancy of every woman on the planet, or been pregnant in every conceivable circumstance, you do not have a representative sample of pregnancies to compare, and therefore cannot judge another woman's experience. For more on why it's a problem to judge women for complaining about pregnancy, see here.

Why are you so negative about motherhood? 
I love being a mother. I hate the judgments other people attach to motherhood, the public scrutiny to which motherhood exposes me, and the inescapable stereotyping of mothers.

If you think disliking these experiences means I dislike motherhood, then you think motherhood must necessarily involve intrusive advice from strangers and normative, gendered behavior such as not working outside of the home. That makes you part of the problem.

Why did you have  a natural birth? Are you some kind of anti-vaxxer who opposes modern medicine? 
I had a natural birth because that made the most sense for me. I love science (and have written extensively about various science topics), and am vaccinating my child. Incidentally, I believe that robbing parents of choice causes them to become more entrenched, so I oppose mandated vaccines--but endorse strong social pressure to vaccinate.

You can learn more about why I decided to have a natural birth here.

You have too many rules for other people to follow. Feminists are so easily offended! 
My various rules for interacting with pregnant women derive from one simple principle: pregnancy and parenthood do not mean that women should have to endure intrusive comments, unwanted touching, or deviations from everyday etiquette and commonsense courtesy.

Just treat mothers and pregnant women like everyone else. If you can't manage that, you make life worse for mothers, which makes life worse for people in general.

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