What I've Never Regretted, and What I Always Will

I thought I was ready for a baby three years ago. I had a great job, a great spouse, and had spent years consuming every developmental psychology text I could get my hands on. There's a certain smugness that comes with being a non-parent. Everything looks easier when you're disconnected from it.

Now that I'm pregnant, I cannot believe it is legal for me to raise a child. I find myself constantly ruminating on what I can possibly offer another human. I keep drafting letters of advice to my child, only to realize all the things I've fucked up in the past, and all the things I'll fuck up in the future.

This isn't about doubting myself or about self-esteem. I know (hope? pray?) that I'll be a good mom, and my mistakes are what have brought me to the incredible life I have now. Knowing how naive I've been in the past, though, makes me realize how naive I am now. Ten years from now I'll laugh at myself for being so stupid, knowing so little, and screwing up so much.

That's called life.

The Sexism of the 'Mommy Wars': Why It's Anti-Feminist to Belittle Parenting Disputes

Breastfeeding or formula? Crib or co-sleeping? Hospital birth or birth at home? Cry it out or attachment parenting? If you have an opinion on any of these issues and you're a woman, then you're part of what has been dismissively labeled the "Mommy Wars."

You know, because parenting is trivial, women are crazy, and whenever a woman has a strong opinion on anything it must be dismissed. So pervasive is the Mommy War narrative that, in many spaces, women cannot even discuss parenting philosophies without being criticized for participating in this "stupid" and "pointless" debate.

People fight about lots of things, and lots of things that matter significantly less than how we rear the next generation. Yet only disputes between women about something still viewed as women's work gets dismissed as a pointless debate unworthy of consideration. Want to endlessly compare Star Wars to Star Trek or devote your afternoon to analyzing whether unbaptized heathens get into Heaven? Completely valid. Dare to question whether the dominant parenting paradigm is healthy for children, though, and you've just crossed the line into trivial, empty blather.