Rude Things People Have Said to Me About My Pregnancy This Week

Being pregnant is like walking through life with a big sign that pleads, "I'm pregnant, exhausted, and three people have commented on my weight today alone. Clearly I need someone else to be mean to me if I'm going to develop postpartum depression in time for the baby's arrival."

A lot of people have asked me why I think people are so mean to pregnant women. Many of them seem to doubt my stories. This doesn't surprise me, given that women's stories about other forms of oppression are so frequently doubted, too. But if you want to read my thoughts on why people feel the need to be cruel to pregnant women, click here.

So let's take a look at some of the horrible things people have said to me just this week.
"Your ankles are so swollen and huge!" 
How sweet of you to notice! I couldn't help but notice that the part of your brain that makes you an asshole is similarly swollen and huge.

"You're going to have crazy stretch marks on your boobs!"
Thanks for the one-two punch of alerting me that you're staring at my breasts, then telling me that you're judging them. I feel great about myself now!

"I hope for your husband's sake it's a boy."
And I hope for your sake that there are not scissors nearby. If there are, your sex might become a question mark.

"All you're going to want to do when that baby gets here is be a stay-at-home mommy."
Tell me more about my psyche, since you clearly understand it better than me! My weak little pregnant brain just can't make thoughts!

"You're already getting the pregnancy acne. That means baby's coming early!" 
What a nice thing to say! Not only are you telling me I'll soon face the medical emergency of premature birth; you're also insulting my appearance. Maybe you'll get cancer soon!

"Just get an epidural." 
Thanks for the medical advice! Since we're sharing medical opinions, I think you should just get a lobotomy.

"I hope you didn't just pee when you sneezed."
Nope, but I gag every time you speak.