How to Respond When People Ask if You're Pregnant (Whether You're Pregnant or Not)

One of the many ways our culture reminds women that their bodies are public property is by openly--and often repeatedly--asking them if they are pregnant. Asking a woman if she's pregnant is always a recipe for disaster. Most well-mannered people learn never to do it. Not all people are well-mannered, of course, and I've come up with a foolproof response to these questions whether you're pregnant or not.

Why Asking a Woman if She's Pregnant is Always Rude
As the gender that is socialized to be "nice" at all costs, women often feel obligated to answer even the rudest of questions with politeness. Rest assured that anyone who asks you whether you are pregnant is not interested in your well-being, which removes your obligation to treat their question with dignity. Some of the many reasons it's hurtful to ask a woman if she's pregnant include:

• Doing so means you're staring at her body and monitoring for weight gain. 
• Asking when she intends to get pregnant invades her privacy, her sex life, and even her sense of reproductive choice. 
• Asking to know whether a woman is pregnant when she has not volunteered that information suggests that the asker cares more about his or her nosiness than the woman's privacy or self-esteem. 

Write it on your hand if you have to: Even if you are pregnant, you are under no obligation to tell anyone until you are ready. 

How to Answer
When someone asks you something rude, you do not have to respond. So the next time someone inquires as to whether you are pregnant, stare blankly at them and completely ignore the question. Then go back to whatever you were doing. It's that simple.

Naturally, people rude enough to ask are also the people rude enough to persist even after you've made it clear you won't answer. So if the person again repeats their question or demands an answer, try one of the following retorts:

• I'm sorry. I was trying to preserve your dignity by not acknowledging your rude question.
• Why do you ask? 
• What makes you think I am? This puts them in the awkward position of saying you've gained weight, and is usually sufficient to induce intense embarrassment. 
• I don't answer rude questions. 
• That's none of your business. 
• Didn't your mother teach you never to ask a lady something like that?
• You'll sure be embarrassed if the answer is no, won't you? 

When you answer another person's question about your most intimate of bodily processes, you instruct that person that such questions are acceptable. They're not. Ignore the rudeness, and you'll probably be the last person the interrogator pesters with such nonsense.