It's Not 'Political Correctness' to Treat People With Decency and Engage in Rational Debate

Republicans love to scream about political correctness run amok. They claim that requests for slur-free speech have killed the First Amendment. And then, inexplicably, they demand freedom from criticism of their own speech--never, it seems, noting the contradiction.

Whining about political correctness, of course, has never been rooted in reason. Opponents of basic decency are inherently unreasonable. That's why my husband has begun insisting that, some day soon, Donald Trump will look directly into a camera and proclaim, "I never ran for president." His supporters will lambaste anyone who points to evidence that he did indeed run.

So I'm reluctant to address whining about political correctness. But I hold out hope that at least some Republican opponents of political correctness can be persuaded.

What is Patriarchal Motherhood?

When I refer to patriarchal motherhood, I'm referencing two distinct phenomena:

• The sexism women face as mothers; and 
• The unchecked assumptions associated with being a mother in a patriarchal society. 

So what is patriarchal motherhood? It's like the air we breathe: omnipresent, and so taken for granted that it goes largely unnoticed. 

Life These Days: A Typical Day at Four Months

Every day, Athena does so many things I want to log. She started saying "Mama" last week, and it sparked a panic that one day she'll want to know about her childhood and I'll have failed to log it all. Of course, no adult actually seeks out an hour-by-hour log of their childhood. My agony over the failure to catalog every event is just one prong of the maternal guilt our society demands of all mothers.

I think I will start using this blog to log some of Athena's life, though. We're very much in the haze of new parenthood--that time that everyone says they forget, that time which childless people cannot possibly understand. Our lives are filled to the brim. There is no spare time, and we must rigidly adhere to a schedule if we are to have any leisure time at all. Most people tell us it gets better, but I sort of enjoy having such a full existence. It helps me feel less guilty about the things I'm not doing.

So here's what a typical weekday looks like for us. If you're planning to have a child and intend to breastfeed, aim for gender equality, and practice attachment parenting, life will probably look pretty similar for you.

A Surprising Source of Sexist Oppression Against Mothers: Feminist Social Justice Activists

I have a casual acquaintance who likes to tell mothers they're "monsters" for gendering their children. Another acquaintance enjoys attacking mothers on Facebook for putting their children in gendered clothes. These people truly believe they are making the world a better place. They're both childless--as are most feminist activists who think it's appropriate to correct the "sexist" behavior of mothers.

I understand where they're coming from. The notion that any specific personality trait necessarily flows from gender or sex is the source of much oppression. We'd all be better of if we did away with gender socialization. There's tons of evidence that there is no benefit to gendered clothing, and that these clothes reinforce damaging, limiting gender norms in both boys and girls.

Attacking mothers, though, serves no purpose except to increase the misogynist onslaught most mothers face on a daily basis. Ultimately, corrections from well-meaning feminist activists only instruct mothers that they're incompetent. Remember, mothers, no matter what you're doing, you're doing it wrong.

Women get attacked on all sides. Embrace genderless parenting and 20 conservative family members will be thrilled to lambaste you. Put your daughter in a frilly dress and you're a traitor to the feminist cause.

Feminists should know better, particularly given what feminism teaches us about women's right to control their own lives, to make their own decisions, and to not be constantly subject to public scrutiny solely because they dared to leave their homes.

Here's why self-identified social justice warriors need to think twice before judging mothers.

Thanks for the Parenting Advice, Asshole

Dear Self-Appointed Expert on My Child and My Parenting:

Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me I'm doing parenting wrong! Few things bring me greater joy in life than when people assume my parenting jokes are the literal truth/treat the tiny slice of my parenting they see as the sum total of all that happens in my house/convince themselves that I am so stupid that I have never, not once, bothered to spend even a second of my time researching parenting issues.

Why Mothers Need to be Included in Social Justice Movements, and How to Do It

More than 80 percent of women eventually become mothers. Research consistently shows that motherhood escalates inequality between men and women. For many women, this escalating inequality, coupled with the need to forge a brighter future for their children, is radicalizing. This is especially true now that we have a misogynistic, racist, sexual predator for our president. As groups organize to fight back against Donald Trump, they must remember that mothers have a significant investment in securing a brighter, freer, more feminist future for their children. When people are fighting for their children, they fight harder.

Mothers want to participate in social justice movements. Because they're raising the next generation of activists, their contribution is invaluable. If your movement excludes mothers, you are excluding the majority of women. Mothers make up a larger segment of the population than almost any other group. So if you can't bring yourself to care about including mothers, it's time to examine your internalized misogyny.

I've written in more detail about the exclusion of mothers from social justice movements here. So if you think you're being radical or something by excluding moms, I strongly encourage you to read that piece before going any further.

What can social justice movements do to include mothers? Plenty.

Hope in Dark Times: What We Can Do to Fight Trump, Cope With Our Grief, and Protect the Oppressed

I took most of Election Day off. I wanted to spend the day with my daughter, so I could one day tell her about how we voted for the first woman president together. I read her Elizabeth Cady Stanton's Seneca Falls Convention keynote speech. I dressed her in the baby version of a pantsuit, with a onesie instructing us to "Destroy Patriarchy."

When we voted, I put her hand on the machine to cast the ballot. I cried. The sweet old woman overseeing the polling place gave me a sticker for both of us. I cried again. On our walk to our car, a young African-American man congratulated us. I thought about congratulating my black friends eight years ago in 2008. I thought about my black foster brother crying when Obama was elected, thought about the slow and halting march toward justice, and cried again.