It's Not 'Political Correctness' to Treat People With Decency and Engage in Rational Debate

Republicans love to scream about political correctness run amok. They claim that requests for slur-free speech have killed the First Amendment. And then, inexplicably, they demand freedom from criticism of their own speech--never, it seems, noting the contradiction.

Whining about political correctness, of course, has never been rooted in reason. Opponents of basic decency are inherently unreasonable. That's why my husband has begun insisting that, some day soon, Donald Trump will look directly into a camera and proclaim, "I never ran for president." His supporters will lambaste anyone who points to evidence that he did indeed run.

So I'm reluctant to address whining about political correctness. But I hold out hope that at least some Republican opponents of political correctness can be persuaded.

Political Correctness: A Demand for Decent Treatment 
Political correctness is little more than a request that people treat each other with decency. Definitions of decency vary from person to person because--shocker!--human beings are different. People can grasp that their ex loved back rubs and their current partner doesn't, so it's perfectly reasonable to also expect them to understand that different people may have different understandings of fair treatment, and that what sounds like a slur to one person is an empowering opportunity for reclamation to another.

So quit the whining about how unfair political correctness is. All you're doing is complaining about a simple request that you not be an asshole, not use racial slurs, and listen to people's experiences.

It's not that hard. 

So I propose a list of simple rules of human engagement that any reasonable person can agree to. Let's call them Guidelines for Not Being an Ignorant Bully instead of political correctness. These are the rules I'll be enforcing in the comments section on my blog, as well as on my social media pages, from now on.

Guidelines for Not Being an Ignorant Bully 

No One Should Be Forced to Consume Any Particular Media 
People love to complain about trigger warnings, telling those who demand them to "toughen up" and stop forcing their worldview on others.

A trigger warning is merely a note indicating that the media contains potentially triggering material. Triggers are real things. People with PTSD can be sent into debilitating flashbacks by the wrong material. Is that really something we think they should be forced to endure without any kind of warning?

No one has the right to force anyone to consume any particular media. Trigger warnings harm no one, but they do help people who have suffered trauma--combat veterans, rape victims, law enforcement officers, domestic violence survivors, etc.

Don't Deliberately Hurt People 
Opponents of political correctness love to whine about requests they think are weird--gender neutral pronouns, avoiding the use of terms like "crazy," not blaming the poor for their poverty.

You don't have to agree with someone's choice, lifestyle, or feelings. You just have to accept that it's unacceptable to deliberately hurt people. I know people with peanut allergies. I like peanuts, and it's annoying not to eat peanuts around them.

But you know what? I don't do it because I believe in not deliberately hurting people.

The same rule applies when people request a specific pronoun, or prefer an ethnic term that's unfamiliar to you. If you believe that you shouldn't deliberately hurt people and someone tells you something you say or do is hurtful, don't do it. You don't have to interrogate their lifestyle or demand justification. Simply don't deliberately hurt people!

Anecdotes Are Not Facts 
A single anecdote cannot rebut actual data. Some black people are mean to white people. That's not the same as systemic racism. That one person you saw one time waiting in line at the welfare office who had a gold tooth does not mean that poverty does not exist and people who need welfare should die instead.

I see anecdotes a lot in discussions about parenting. "I was spanked and I turned out ok." No, you didn't, because you think anecdote is the same as data.

Or sometimes, people will share really graphic and upsetting stories as evidence that all women should make a particular decision about their births. No matter how emotional or graphic an anecdote is, it's not data. If you want to prove your point, you need actual research. If you cannot find such research, the odds are pretty good that you're trying to force your incorrect and narrow-minded worldview, not have an intelligent discussion.

Facts Are Real 
Speaking of facts, there are real facts in the real world. The literal text of the Constitution is not a matter of opinion. Nor is the fact that women are more likely to develop depression from abortions denied than abortions received.

When you begin making things up ("Hillary Clinton killed Vince Foster!"), trotting out discredited ideas ("Fluoride in the water is for mind control!"), presenting misleading information ("They're harvesting thousands of aborted babies to make vaccines!"), or lying, you are conceding that you have lost the debate, and cannot win by remaining in the real world.

If you cannot argue your point in the world of facts, then you don't have a point. Not all positions are equally valid, and no one has a right to demand that the government teach inaccurate "facts" such as intelligent design or that slavery benefited black people.

Believe People About Their Experiences 
There are two ways to learn about other people's experiences:

1. Sociological data that tells us about the general experience of a group--the kind of data opponents of political correctness routinely discount.
2. Asking people who have had particular experiences about those experiences. PC opponents love telling people they don't understand their own experiences. "I'm sure he didn't mean it that way." "The police officer was just trying to do his job." "Sexual harassment is just a compliment!" "Postpartum depression is hormonal, not due to the shitty way our society treats new mothers."

You cannot be an expert on someone else's experience. So unless you believe someone routinely lies--in which case, why are you talking to them?--believe them about their experiences. Even when those experiences don't comport with your world view or your experiences. Different people have different experiences at different times and in different circumstances. It's not that difficult to understand.

Don't Tell Other People How to Feel
Opponents of PC culture loooove telling others how to feel. They admonish them to take sexual harassment as a compliment, or to not "waste time" being angry about racism, or to quit whining that they had a traumatic birth, or to stop being upset about having been raped.

You don't get to tell other people how to feel, particularly when their experience is different from yours.

Don't Condescend to Someone About Their Own Experience
Years ago, I attended a few discussion sessions sponsored by a local book store. During a particularly heated discussion about gender discrimination, I talked about the sexist behavior of some men in the group. One of those men turned to me, lectured me about my "rigid demand of political correctness," and proclaimed, "No one is as hurt by sexism as I am. I wake up every day horrified by the pain women experience."

You read that right. No one is as hurt by sexism as someone who is not a victim of it. He knew more about my experience than I did. We now call that mansplaining, and it comes in all varieties: whitesplaining, childlesssplaining.

It is unreasonable to condescend to someone about their experience. Don't tell them how to react, why they deserved what happened to them, or why your feelings about their experience are more important than their feelings. You don't know what it's like to give birth until you've done it. You don't know how a woman can most effectively ask for a raise until you've been a woman asking for a raise.

Good People Care About Others' Feelings 

If you find yourself reading this list and complaining about whining, weakness, and empathy, consider a simple fact: under every system of ethics with which I am familiar, caring about other people's feelings is key. 

Good people care about others' feelings. If you don't care about how you affect others, you are not a good person. And bad people can't really be trusted to weigh in on moral or political issues, so if that's who you've chosen to be, you're irrelevant. 

Good Manners: Not an Infringement On Anyone's Rights
A number of other simple rules can probably explain political correctness just as well. Ultimately, PC culture is part of a push to treat people better and inject reason into difficult discussions. It's no different from the demand that people write thank-you notes, not scream at strangers, and not plagiarize their work.

You don't have to do it. You won't go to jail for not being PC; that's precisely why PC culture infringes on no one's rights. But you'll make your life and the lives of others better if you try to have the good manners PC culture demands.

Who doesn't want that?

Assholes. That's who.