I Made a Person. I Also Do Everything Else Men Can Do. Tell Me How That Makes Women Inferior.

*Note: I originally published this piece on Daily Kos at the urging of a client. 

I had a baby 11 months ago. There’s nothing terribly impressive about that. After all, women have babies every day. And we live in a society in which, if women do something men can’t, we treat it as unremarkable. Birth is unimpressive, but scoring two points higher on a spatial reasoning test? Now that is amazing! 

It’s this sort of ridiculous reasoning that enables us to accept, with a straight face, that men are in some way superior to, stronger than, or smarter than women. I’m tired of it. So I have a question for the men who continue to argue that women aren’t destined for careers or are too emotional or whatever the sexist argument is this week: I made a person. I did it while doing everything men do. How does that make me inferior?

I wrote a news article in early labor. Ten hours into my unmedicated labor with my 10-pound baby, I was emailing editors. 

Tell me again how inferior women are. Tell me again how we’re the weaker sex. How we’re not really interested in competitive careers. How motherhood makes us dumb, our hormones make us neurotic, and our genetics make us less competitive. 

The Fallout From That Google Memo 

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you already know that a dullard at Google wrote a childish screed declaring that women are inferior to men. He refers to “science,” and references a lot of discredited ideas. He calls women innately neurotic, and tells us that women have fewer personality traits that enable them to succeed in STEM careers. 

Sexist men love telling women what it’s like to be a woman. They’re the real experts, you see. Women’s puny woman brains make them unqualified to discuss the experience of being a woman. So naturally, Google dudebro spends a lot of time telling women how they think and feel:

• Women are more interested in work-life balance than good careers.
• Women don’t ask for raises as much as men. This is not true, according to real scientists doing real research, not dudebros who get fired for incompetence.
• Women are more interested in people and more cooperative. He seems to think this “fact” (for which he cites no credible reference) accounts for women’s underrepresentation in tech. Yet research consistently shows that social skills are the biggest predictor of career success.
• There are biological IQ differences between the sexes. What he fails to mention is that women’s IQs are actually higher than men’s. 

Among real scientists, there is nuanced discussion about whether there are hard-wired sex differences and what that might mean. Even biologists who believe in hard-wired sex differences admit that these small statistical differences cannot possibly account for the vastly different outcomes the sexes face. If men, say, score 5 points higher on average on a spatial reasoning test, that’s insufficient to explain why there are so many more men in tech. 

Here’s something every sensible person understands, though: societal barriers—sexual harassment, gender conditioning, hostile work environments, the heavily documented discrimination women face in every career—matter. Just being aware of a stereotype can hamper women’s performance. Which means that men who write screeds about women’s inferiority are directly harming women. 

Put another way, if I put a bag of sand around a man’s neck and then race him, he’ll probably lose unless he is significantly better than me. I can’t fairly claim that he lost because of his innate inferiority until I remove the bag of sand. Dudebros who are so insistent on women’s biological inferiority don’t want to remove the bag of sand. 

I think it’s because they’re afraid of what will happen to them on a fair playing field. Only weaklings need to “prove” that women are biologically inferior. Because only weaklings are afraid of a truly equal playing field. 

'Just Prove You’re Not Inferior! It’s Totally Easy!’

As soon as the Google memo hit the news, the men on my social media feeds began debating it. They discussed whether women are inferior, to what extent, whether their inferiority is hard-wired, and why it is that women just get so emotional when a bunch of dudebros lecture to them about how they’re not biologically hard-wired to succeed in lucrative careers. These bros aren’t sexist, they want you to know. They’re just defending science. Even though none of them is familiar with scientific studies on the topic, and even though none are interested in the thousands of studies on how discrimination affects women’s life choices and life outcomes. 

A few stopped short of explicitly endorsing the memo. Instead, they wanted more rational discussion. PC culture, you see, has thwarted the ability of men to openly discuss the inferiority of women. That’s the same as oppression. It’s worse than rape. The biggest threat to society today is not violence or rape or war. It’s the inability of men to openly and publicly debate whether, and to what extent, women are inferior. It’s an issue of freedom. 

Both groups—the ones “just defending free speech” and the ones “just defending science”—agreed on one thing: if the memo is untrue, women should just prove they’re not inferior. It’s not hard! Stop whining, ladies! Stop insulting us! Just give us a few scientific studies proving that you’re not biologically weak/stupid/inferior. 

There are plenty of studies documenting that the sexes are more equal than we think. There are plenty more debunking studies that claim to find hard-wired sex differences. The evidence is there for anyone who wants to consume it. 

The problem is that women shouldn’t have to prove they’re not inferior. And they certainly shouldn’t have to do it to the satisfaction of dudebros who are too stupid to understand what science actually says about the issue. Demanding women prove that they’re not inferior or else accept that they are indeed inferior robs them of time—time they could spend doing things that matter. 

It’s Time For Men to Prove They’re Not Inferior 

I think it’s high time for men to prove that they aren’t inferior. If they can demand this from us, surely we should be able to demand it from them. After all, the fact that women are able to succeed at all in an unequal society, and that many are able to surpass men, isn’t exactly testament to men’s greatness. And ever since I made my own contribution to the survival of the human species, I have a hard time not dissolving into fits of laughter when men try to tell me they’re stronger, smarter, or otherwise superior. 

Last night I slept for three hours because my baby is some sort of mutant who doesn’t need sleep. I got up this morning and got to work. I am nursing my baby while writing this. How many men can say they’ve taken full responsibility for nourishing a human being while working full-time in a competitive industry in which few people succeed?

In the months since I had my baby, I’ve worked as hard and as long as my attorney husband has. Except that I’ve done it while recovering from childbirth, and then while nursing, and always in a context in which I’m constantly told by men that I am inferior. 

And what women really want is work-life balance? Give me a break. What women really want is for men to not tell them what they want. When I was writing an article while freaking giving birth, it certainly wasn’t because I’m not competitive or prioritize family over work. 

For too long, men have used women’s ability to grow and sustain human life as evidence that women are somehow inferior. That’s a laughable notion. Women do everything men do, but while pregnant, while breastfeeding, or while doing far more than 50% of their fair share at home. And that adds up to women’s inferiority how exactly? 

Hey Men: Which Civil Right Do You Think You Should Have to Give Up in the Interest of Party Unity?

Men who don’t spend much time talking to women might dismiss the Google memo and its fallout as just a side show. What they don’t realize is that women face this sort of garbage at work every day. I’ve been introduced, in a professional setting, as a “mom with some interesting ideas.” I recently got into a fight with a male editorial intern about breastfeeding, because he thought he knew more than the scientists who have devoted their lives to studying the issue. I am regularly instructed by men to smile, and threatened when I don’t. I’ve had men follow me, grab me in public, and threaten me more times than I can care to count. 

But women are weaker? 

The attitudes of these dudebros are more than just a sideshow. They wrap up all the horrible things we think about and do to women in a neat little package, and then label that package as “just interesting debate.” 

Over time, these ideas erode everyone’s confidence in women. Even in my left-leaning circles, men are now insisting that women must be willing to support political candidates who oppose women’s rights to control their own bodies. You know, for “party unity.” After all, women’s rights are just a side show. We’ll get to them later. Because women aren’t people, it’s all just friendly debate anyway. It’s a phenomenon that prompted congressional candidate Brianna Wu to ask men which civil right they would give up. 

It’s time for men to be the ones on the defensive. Women: stop arguing with men about your right to abortion, your ability to perform at work, or your biological inferiority. Ask them to prove they’re not inferior. Let them see what it feels like for a change.

Oh, and guys: if your most significant contribution to humanity is a 10-page manifesto about women’s biological inferiority—indeed, if you have time for such a pointless undertaking—then you’re probably not at the top of any hierarchy of superiority.