What Does Child Labor Feel Like?

Childbirth is shrouded in secrecy, so questions about what labor really feels like often go unanswered. We all know that it hurts like hell, but only those who have gone through it really know what that even means. And much of what happens during birth--vomiting, confronting your own mortality, losing bladder control--is taboo to discuss. So women enter into one of the most intense experiences of their life unprepared and frightened.

When I told everyone I wanted to have a natural birth, people were adamant that I couldn't do it. They were equally insistent that birth on my terms--no hospital gown, basic respect for my wishes, a quiet and peaceful room--was impossible, and that expecting otherwise meant I was naive and spoiled.

They were wrong. So if you're here because you're considering a natural birth, know that you can do it. Child labor is painful, but it's not the horror many people want you to believe it is. That's especially true if you have a supportive care team (and if you don't, you need to fire your doctor or midwife yesterday).

I spent my entire pregnancy Googling what childbirth feels like, and the answers I got were unsatisfactory. Every woman is different. Every birth is different, and we all perceive pain differently. No one can give anyone else a fully reliable picture of childbirth, since most of us only give birth a few times. But if women know what to expect, they may be better equipped to cope. And no woman deserves to enter motherhood terrified and intimidated. So here, in as much detail as I can manage, is what labor felt like for me. If you want to get a more general idea of what to expect from childbirth, you might be better off reading my birth story.




What Early Labor Feels Like
Textbook case studies of labor only tell us about averages. They won't tell you what labor will be like for you. When I first went into labor, I thought I was experiencing false labor, because my contractions varied in length and intensity. They also never reliably became four minutes apart. Sometimes I got a five-minute break; sometimes contractions were right on top of one another.

In the early stages of labor, contractions felt a lot like menstrual cramps, but more intense. The pain was concentrated in my lower back. It felt a lot like being repeatedly and forcefully kicked, or maybe more like the intense bruising that results from such a kick.

As labor progressed, the back pain wrapped around my uterus, and then traveled to the top of my uterus. It felt more and more like a rubber band was wrapped around my abdomen and pushing downward. This sensation grew more and more intense.

Alongside the uterine pressure, I also felt intense pressure on my cervix. You know that feeling you experience during a pap smear? Imagine that there's something very large pushing on your cervix, instead of the small Q-tip your gynecologist uses to swab the area. This pressure continued to build until my water broke. For me, this rupture offered immediate and blissful release that lasted about five minutes. For other women, labor gets worse when this happens; your mileage may vary.

What Active Labor Feels Like
Hubby and I headed to the hospital when my water broke. By the time my midwife examined me, I was dilated to seven centimeters. My contractions were still much the same as they had been, though more intense. As my body continued to work to get my baby out, I began to experience intense nausea. Then I started throwing up.

For a lot of women, this is the breaking point at which they consider an epidural. Vomiting is no fun, but I actually found some relief as I threw up. My stomach didn't feel upset; instead, I think I was vomiting in response to the pain, so something about vomiting served as a distraction and a coping tool. I vomited for about an hour, and then the nausea went away as suddenly as it had arrived.

My contractions didn't change as my labor progressed. They just felt more intense and more distracting. Like the worst back pain you've ever experienced, coupled with the pain of a severe stomach virus, the pressure of someone jumping on your cervix, and the intensity of being repeatedly kicked in the abdomen. Contractions are muscular, occurring deep in the muscles of the uterus, so it makes sense that they feel like a combination of muscle and organ pain--rather than, say, a sharp skin pain or the dull ache of a broken bone.

I moved into the birthing tub shortly after I stopped vomiting. It didn't offer any pain relief, but it did feel comfortable to be in warm water. The water also made it easier to move.

Because the water was warm, I also grew intensely hot toward the end of my labor. My doula continually added ice to the birth tub, and cold compresses on my head and back offered immense relief. I'm almost always cold, so the intense heat was a strange departure from my usual existence.

What Pushing Feels Like
Most women who give birth in American hospitals do so in a high stress environment in which they are told when and how to push. Research suggests that this fundamentally alters the nature of pushing. If you get an epidural, you might not feel the urge to push at all. If you opt for a medication-free birth and are lucky enough to have a quiet space in which to birth, though, you might experience the fetal ejection reflex, as I did.

As my contractions grew in intensity, I began to experience intense downward pressure. You know the feeling you have in your stomach immediately before vomiting? Imagine a similar, but much stronger sensation, that pushes in the other direction. Vomiting out of your vagina might not be a pretty metaphor, but it's a pretty apt one.

The downward pressure grew and grew until it completely overtook my body. Every time I had a contraction, I felt the same pain I had previously felt, but I also felt my body pushing the baby out through more reverse-vomiting. Many women find relief in pushing, but for me, pushing was the most painful part of the birth because my contractions continued along with the extremely intense muscle spasms used to expel my baby.

When I was pregnant, I had this idea that, somehow, pushing my baby's head out wouldn't feel like pushing a watermelon out of a kumquat. Denial helps you cope with a lot when you're pregnant, but there's nothing magic about labor. You feel everything, and much of it feels exactly as you might imagine. I felt Athena's head come through my cervix.

That's when I knew she would be coming out soon. Because I was already feeling intense pain, I was terrified to push more. It was a weird state: I knew that getting her out would cause the pain to end, but I also worried that getting her out quickly would hurt. I finally decided to actively push. I felt intense, agonizing pain around my vagina and perineum, and thought her head must be emerging. I reached down and felt only the very tip of her head, and panicked, knowing it would only get more intense. It did, but her head was out in a matter of minutes. This pain was a stretchy, burning sensation accompanied by intense muscle pain, along with the continuation of my contractions.

When Athena's head emerged, she did not make the turn most babies make, which meant that her shoulders came out simultaneously. This was very painful, and I tore as a result of the pressure. The good and surprising news is that I did not feel myself tear.

As soon as she emerged, the pain stopped. Immediately. It was amazing. Remember this when you are in labor, especially if you are contemplating a natural birth: recovery has its ups and downs, but the pain ends as soon as the baby emerges.

What to Expect After Birth: How it Feels to Deliver the Placenta
Birth doesn't end when the baby comes out. You still have to birth the placenta. Because retained placentas can cause serious infections, and because problems with placental detachment can cause life-threatening hemorrhages, this is one of the riskiest times during birth. As you bond with your baby, your midwife or doctor will be carefully monitoring you. I gave birth in water, but my midwife hurried me out of the water for the placenta's arrival, so she could ensure that the entire thing came out.

I was scared that labor would come back, but it didn't. I felt two mild contractions--similar to those I experienced during early labor--and then pushed once to get the placenta out. It's a squishy object, so there's no stretching and pain as it comes out, so you won't experience any more tearing or stretching, though minor contractions are inevitable.

I'm curious about other women's experiences of labor, so feel free to share them in the comments.