How to Respond When People Touch Your Pregnant Stomach

One of the most frustrating things I've discovered about pregnancy is that random strangers think it's okay to touch me solely because I'm carrying a little person inside of me. It's as if I've ceased to be a person myself. Not only is it a huge violation. It can also be downright jarring when a random stranger sneaks up behind me and grabs me.

There's no perfect response, because people who do this seem to believe it is their fundamental right to touch pregnant women against their will. Even some pregnant women defend this practice as something we all just have to grin and bear--as if we should be grateful when a creepy stranger touches a sensitive part of our bodies.
It's always been illegal to touch someone against their will, so people who grab pregnant women are technically committing a crime. Pennsylvania wanted to make it clear that we deserve some bodily autonomy, so the state took it one step further, enacting a law specifically targeted to pregnant women in 2013. 

Before you start shrieking about how it's your fundamental right to touch pregnant strangers or assert that the law is "going too far" consider this: one of the first cases involving the law occurred when a man touched and hugged his pregnant neighbor. She pushed him away and said, "No!" He later returned to her home to do it again. This guy knew she did not want to be touched, but thought he had a right to repeatedly touch her anyway.

People who do this are creepy, and potential predators. Better to give them an early warning than wait for them to do something creepier.

So what to do about the apparently well-meaning (but often quite creepy) strangers who try to touch your pregnant belly? Try some of the following strategies.

React With Fear
When a stranger grabs you, you're in danger. Then next move could be to steal your bag or assault you. It's natural to react with fear, so if you're startled by a stranger who grabs your belly, don't shy away from showing it. Even a bit of feigned fear can send a powerful message that being touched by a stranger is scary. Can't justify an exaggerated reaction? Remember that you might be protecting the next person from this creep's unwanted grabs. Women with social phobias, trauma histories, and PTSD may be severely triggered by unwanted touching, experiencing panic attacks and flashbacks. If you're not among them, you may be protecting them by showing an unwanted toucher that unsolicited touches are scary.

Touch Them Back 
Want to teach the other person a lesson without being too confrontational? Simply do to them whatever they are doing to you. They'll probably react with surprise, and quickly move away from your touch. Then you can say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were just inappropriately touching strangers." They'll get the message, and they probably won't touch the next pregnant woman they encounter.

Promptly Remove Their Hand 
Don't have a witty response? Too anxious to reach out and grab them? That's ok. Just remove their hand and walk away. You are not obligated to allow a stranger to touch your body. You're not being mean. Feeling otherwise is only a sign of how our culture has betrayed you. Women are so heavily indoctrinated to be nice and to view their bodies as public property that they believe defending themselves against unwanted touching is unkind. It is not. Protect your baby and your body from the creepy hands of a stranger. It is your right.

Tell Them They're Hurting You 
A quick "OW!" can work wonders. It's not totally disingenuous either. Particularly late in pregnancy, when your organs are crowded and your muscles are aching, an unexpected touch can be deeply unpleasant. Moreover, by touching you against your will, a stranger is forcing whatever is on their hands onto you--the flu, a cold, gasoline, whatever. Totally gross. Behaving as if you have been hurt changes the narrative, forcing the other person to see their touch as an unwanted intrusion.

Make Your Lack of Consent Clear
If you see another person reaching for your belly, stop them before it starts. Put your hand up and say, "Please do not touch me." If that's too confrontational, simply cover your stomach and turn away. If they manage to touch you anyway, give them a firm "no," and request that they remove their hands immediately. Making your lack of consent clear puts them on notice that at least some pregnant women won't accept unwanted touches. That can be a pretty significant barrier to touching women against their will in the future.

Bonus Round: Film the Aftermath 
The tragic reality is that a lot of people who touch pregnant women do so because they feel a sense of ownership over women's bodies. They're often the same folks who catcall strangers or demand that women smile. So when you make it clear that, nope, this random stranger actually doesn't have a right to touch you or your baby, don't be surprised if you get an angry--even violent--reaction. You might hear that you're a bitch or a terrible mother. You might even find that, like the woman who prosecuted the man under the Pennsylvania law, the harasser becomes even more determined to touch you.

Smartphones have turned the tables on people who harass strangers in public. Use this to your advantage. As soon as an altercation begins, whip out your phone. This can shame the person into walking away instead of escalating. Even if it doesn't work, it creates a record of the incident. These records are powerful tools, particularly when posted on social media. You might find that one of your friends knows the person who touched you. Better yet, seeing it actually happen can educate men and women who have never been pregnant about the abuse pregnant women face. That's always a good thing. Best of all, a would-be toucher might see you publicly shaming a creeper and think better of grabbing the next pregnant woman he sees.

Harassment ends when harassers face consequences. Those consequences do not always have to be through the legal system. Name and shame the people who touch you. You don't owe them any protection. After all, people who touch pregnant women certainly don't give a single thought to how their actions affect others. You're under no obligation to extend to them a courtesy they are unwilling to extend to you.